I’ve never been the best at, or the most comfortable at expressing everything I feel. Not even when it’s obvious that my emotions are taking over and threatening to spill over into what always seems to be a wreck of a life.
Never been the one that wanted to place the burden of my feelings on the shoulder of the one who gave their time and love so selflessly.
Always afraid I’d seem as if I were complaining, ungrateful. In that, I’ve managed to push myself away… giving the same excuse of well, you know I don’t like talking. I’m not big on talking and crowds. And while that is true to some extents, it’s no excuse for the type of child I’ve been for much of my adult life.
I never want to seem as if I’m only calling for a handout, or looking for anything in general. That leads to me foolishly skipping months without hearing your voice. And, in turn, stripping you of the chance to hear mine. Even when we reconnect and you divulge that you’re so glad to hear mine, I make excuse after excuse of why I don’t make much effort.
And still, you love me. Comfort and console me. Your support and pride, unwavering. I then find myself wondering what I could have ever done to deserve such a wonderful person. What have I done right to deserve such a wonderful father.
I can’t begin to count each time I found myself falling, only to look up and see your hand reaching out to me in some way or another. Words of encouragement and advice. Your outstanding support and understanding in my personal choices; especially in the one that I’m sure differed for your own dream for me.
I have no doubt that in some way, I’ve been a bit of a disappointment. I have no doubt that you’ve spent some time worrying about me and where I would go in life, where this foolish dream of mine would take me. And I cannot begin to thank you enough for allowing me to step out and take chances anyway. Allowing me to find my way and make mistakes on my own, for never allowing me to give up.
I can confidently say that, even in my worst moments of self-doubt, I’ve always had your love and support to think back on. To push me back out and get me right back on my feet when I’ve reached the point of giving up on myself.
I can’t wait until the day when I can stand in front of the world, speaking your praises as I make it known how wonderful of a man and father I’ve had in my life. But until then, I’ll say it here.
You are my world. The very first love of my life, the very standard of love and support everyone I meet MUST measure up to. I am blessed to have been loved, held, cared for, encouraged, taught, shown off by, and continuously held in regard as your little girl. No matter how old I am, I will always be your little girl.
For all that you have ever given me, no matter how big or small, I am forever grateful. For the life you have given me, and the guidance to live it as best as I can, I am forever grateful. For the gift of a family dynamic I may have never experienced, with an additional mother and siblings I love dearly, I am forever grateful. For you, the best father in the world; I am eternally grateful.
My hero, my inspiration, my daddy.
I love you.