Grief is such a weird emotion, and I dont know how it affects others but for me it has taken a mental and physical toll on me.
Some days I am perfectly fine. I feel good, confident, and I feel great that I am able to smile and laugh again in any capacity that I can.
And then, very swiftly I am brought back to the reality of why I lost my smile and happiness. Try as I might, it has been very difficult for me to understand the wide range of emotions that have been running wildly these past three months.
Honestly; does this last forever? And if it does, how am I supposed to go on?
Simply coping? Barely getting through each day, hour, and minute?
In a way, I am very grateful that (with the exception of a four day trip to Seattle) that I’ve had work to keep me and my mind preoccupied for at least 11 of the 24 hours in each day. But at the same time, I could truly use a break where I don’t have to do anything but take real time to process everything I am thinking or feeling without having time pause it all to pretend I’m fine.
I’ll be honest, as much as I’ve pushed myself to go on with my craft, despite my world constantly crumbling around me, my desire remains dampened and my art suffers greatly because of this.
How do I go on, truly?