I don’t like to be a burden on others. And people will tell you all day long that it’s no problem, that you’re not bothering them; whatever, everybody gets tired of hearing about other peoples’ problems eventually.
So, with that thought always in my mind, I keep just about everything I feel to myself. Lately, I’ve been drowning in turmoil and ill feelings while throwing on smile after smile after smile in front of others.
Going about my day, every day, as if everything is perfectly fine when truthfully I am completely broken on the inside.
A growing burden and pain in the ass to others around me, no doubt mistreating friends and others in the moments I do finally lash out.
Not excusing myself or making excuses for it, just saying.
I’ve reached a point, I think, where I no longer know what to do with myself or how I feel because I don’t want to have to turn to anyone else and bother them with my problems, feelings or whatever else.
I just don’t want to be a bother.
So what do I do with these pent up feelings, the suppressed pain? Because I’m not writing, and truthfully I don’t foresee myself talking to anyone or doing anything productive/helpful to heal.
I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore.