When Will I See You Smile Again by Cortney Joseph

Holding a bouquet of fresh pink roses, Ahman walked into his and Tatyana’s bedroom. For once he hadn’t come home late, instead he was hoping she’d accept this small token as one of many ways of apologizing for his wrongdoings over the past four months.

No, he wasn’t unfaithful like her past boyfriends. But he was forgetful when he didn’t need to be, or he’d front in front of his boys and family as if she didn’t have him wrapped around her finger. She did.

And he’d act as if she didn’t own every inch of his heart and soul, when he knew for a fact she did, and that would sometimes hurt her the most.

Ahman knew that she sat up most nights, waiting for him to come home or for a call, waiting to hear when he’d be coming home from the studio. But as his fame and popularity rose, as his vocal talent earned more demand and bigger artists began requesting him on their tracks, well, it all meant that he had to be away from home.

And though it made him seem somewhat heartless, he sometimes meant it whenever he’d tell her that he’d rather be in the studio than home with her.

Tatyana lay across the bed in the pretty, pink, lace bra and panty set that she’d brought just for Ahman. It was their anniversary and the only thing she wanted to do before he hit the road for his first set of shows was celebrate.

Unfortunately, he couldn’t even give her that. Even though the day marked five years, he couldn’t give her this one little piece of happiness.

Tears fell down both sides of her face as she sniffled, her chest rising and falling as she stared at the ceiling. She’d heard him walk in, and she already knew he had flowers in hand. Those were his go to, and they always worked. But not tonight.

“Why are you crying?” She scoffed at the question, wondering if he was really that stupid or was he trying to be funny.

She’d take stupid for 200. “I don’t know why you’re even asking Ahman, it’s not like you actually care.”

“Of course I care Tatyana. It’s just that, Baby you know how hectic this music thing can get for me.”

“Yeah. I know.” Her voice was dry, monotone, and he could tell that she’d finally reached that point he’d been dreading. Tatyana rose slowly before looking back at him, stating coldly that he could just throw the roses in the garbage. She didn’t want them.

“Baby, I’m just grinding right now. I’m trying to make sure you and I are able to live comfortably, I’m trying to take care of you, and give you the world.”

“I’ve got my own money Ahman, I could give myself the world if that was all I wanted.”

Pulling a t-shirt and some sweat pants out of her drawer, she began to get dressed as he watched, trying to figure out what he could say to stop her. There wasn’t a single line in this world that he hadn’t used at least once or twice.

“I know I’ve messed up a lot Tatyana.”

“Tuh.”

“And I’m so sorry. I don’t make you a priority like I should, I don’t treat you like I should, but Baby you’ve got to know that I love you.”

Tatyana turned slowly and looked at Ahman, wondering how he could lie so quickly and so easily. As far as she could tell, there hadn’t been any real love between the two of them in at least a year.

Just amazing sex and one sweet moment every three or four months. It was getting old. She wanted and felt she deserved more. “You know Ahman, I love you. But I’ve been wondering to myself for weeks now, what kind of fool do I look like? Sitting around waiting for someone, and riding for someone who can’t even feel proud enough to tell his boys or managers or whoever that I’m the woman who rides for him. I understand that as a singer you’ve gotta have your little sex appeal, but even when asked if you’re single, you straight up say yes you’re single when my stupid ass is here waiting on you. I’m over it, I’m over you.”

Those were the very words Ahman never expected to hear. Just as she was trying to brush past him, he dropped the roses and grabbed onto Tatyana, pulling her close as he began to beg and plead.

“I’m sorry Tatyana. Baby, please, you can’t leave me. You’re my heart, my rock, you’re the only person in my life that’s truly riding and rocking for me. I know I don’t say it and that’s messed up, but I love you and I swear that I appreciate you.”

“Yeah right.”

“Please Baby. I swear, I’m doing this for us. I want us to have nothing but good and positive days in the future, I never want us to worry about or want for anything.”

“Whatever. Find somebody else. I’m sure you got plenty of groupies ready to hop on the bandwagon.” Tatyana tried to brush past Ahman again but he held her back, pulling her into his arms as cold tears slid down his face.

He’d never cried before, about anything, and that kind of caught her off guard. Still, Tatyana stood her ground. “I can’t stay.”

“Please Tatyana, let’s talk this out. We can work it out, just tell me what you want me to do. I swear, I’ll do anything. I’ll make it better, I’ll make it right. Do you want me to crawl on hands and knees, bend over backwards, you want to punch or kick me… please Baby, let’s just talk it out.”

“No. Don’t you get it Ahman? I’m no longer happy coming in second. Yes, I get working and I get following your dream but you’re doing too much. When it gets to the point where I can’t even crack a smile when I think of you, it’s bad.” He nuzzled his nose into the crook of her neck, inhaling her sweet scent as he continued to beg.

“Tell me what to do to put that beautiful smile back on your face.”

Pulling away from Ahman, Tatyana sighed as she shook her head. “Nothing, because you’ll do something once and then I’ll get my hopes up, thinking that you’ve changed. But that’ll be it, and you’ll be breaking promises and hurting me all over again.”

“Tatyana please. Listen, I don’t know why I keep doing the things I do; failing to acknowledge you, not coming home, everything, I don’t know why but I am so sorry. Please just tell me how to make you smile again, tell me what to do to make you love me again.”

“Goodbye.”

Walking out the door, Tatyana could hear Ahman calling behind her. “Baby, I know I messed up but you’ve gotta hear me out. You’ve gotta let me fix this. Tatyana, please, at least smile for me.”

He got exactly what he always left her with, nothing.

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